SEAN BYRNE
THE LOVED ONES
AUSTRALIA, 2009
7.5/10
"Bring the hammer, Daddy."
Man, I was not expecting to like this one. Last night, I was going through my watchlist on IMBd to find a horror movie that I hadn't seen, when I came across this one. I had heard a lot about it, but despite all the people telling me it was good, I still felt that it just HAD to be mind-numbingly terrible. Which just goes to prove that maybe I should stop judging movies so much before I watch them.
It could best be described as a weird mash of "Carrie" and "Misery" (kinda similar to how 2002's MAY was a mash of "Carrie" and "Frankenstein") with a little bit of "The Texas Chainsaw Massacre" because of the whole psychotic-family thing, but that doesn't mean it's unoriginal. Before watching, I was afraid that this film was merely riding on the coattails of the recent wave of torture porn movies (I really hate that phrase but there's really no other way to describe them), but I was surprised to find this film to be a unique thrill ride. It seemed almost like the best of both worlds: it had the interesting and relatable characters from the classic horror movies, but still had the brutal and unrelentless violence from today's pictures (I don't think that a movie should rely on violence, but when it helps the movie like it does here, I'm all for it).
At first I thought the side story of the two students at the actual dance was a bit pointless, but they did provide a much-needed break (an hour and a half of endless gore would have gotten super boring) and, just when I was growing tired of their story, we see the pictures in the girl's house, which really sheds an incredible and horrifying light on the effect this psychotic family has had on the town.
*SLIGHT SPOILERS IN THE NEXT PARAGRAPH*
There are some very suspenseful scenes (myself and other male viewers were probably cringing in suspense at the scene where Lola threatens to nail Brent's penis the chair in the first half of the movie. Sure, penis-related horror is pretty overdone, but it gets the job done). The scene where Brent and Holly are in the car and we start to hear/see Lola crawl after them is pretty fucking creepy if you ask me. There are also some great moments of dark comedy ("Is it finger-licking good?") that, unlike the comic relief in some other films (*cough* The Conjuring *cough*) doesn't distract the viewer from the scares on screen. And just so I can group all of my spoilers in one paragraph, I'm just gonna say that the implied incest was incredibly uncomfortable, which is obviously what Byrne was trying to achieve, so I give him props for that.
*END OF SPOILERS*
Now the movie isn't perfect by any means. The struggling relationship between Brent and his mom has been done in countless movies, though it does work here. The last 30 minutes drag just a little bit, and for a movie that seems to try to defy genre conventions, there are moments of cliche. The scene in the pit was, in my opinion, not very effective, though another person described it as "nightmare inducing" so it might work for other viewers.
All in all, this is a pretty effective and entertaining torture flick. It takes a tired concept and makes it seem new again. In a time where most horror movies are pretty dull or too over the top, this one manages to be pretty effective and entertaining. I definitely wouldn't be surprised if this became a contemporary classic. It's not perfect, but it's entertaining and gets the job done. Recommended for people who like character horror with some unrelentless violence as well.
